Crowdsourcing Love - The Ultimate Love Finding Mission
A few weeks back my wonderful friend Amelia tagged me in the most amazing quest for love post I have seen on any forum and I have been enthralled ever since. The post was by the gorgeous Drew Wade, a forty something, fabulous, single female who made a video of herself asking for the interwebs' assistance in finding her the future father of her children. It was remarkable, articulate and so bleepin' brave I have been hooked to her story ever since.
I feel really lucky ATM, that Drew is a legend of a person and a fellow lover of love that she has so kindly answered my burning questions on her love finding quest. I think you'll find her story has been so widely received and admired she was interviewed by the Today Show (https://bit.ly/2zbx2FY), which is just amazing. Now she is on Dates and Plates, so you know, she's made it.
When I read Drew's responses to my questions, I so related to her plight. From her surroundings of single, handsome men who just so happen to like other men, to her asking potential suitors to do their Gallup Strengths (https://bit.ly/2Flajg7), I had found my spirit animal in love finding.
I can take zero credit for what you are about to read, I just asked some pretty amateurish, media degree style journalist questions, that rendered such wonderful answers, that I hope you all take something away from it too.
It's also a reminder to us all to never be afraid to ask people for help! We can do all the right things to find love – join sites, go to events etc. but so rarely we think to ask those around us if they can help a brother or sister out.
So here it is!
Drew, your story is one that rings true for me and many people reading this. At what point did you say ‘bugger it, I’m going big’ in ramping up your search for love in taking your video to Facebook?
What pushed me over the edge, not literally, was a potentially glorious cruise on Sydney Harbour in August. A close friend hosts a social type dating club. He planned a fantastic experience for a Saturday morning, with beverages and a barbeque, for a lucky group of guys and girls. The weather was set to be amazing, they advertised for weeks on Facebook. Then on the Thursday prior, he confided in me that the tickets for the women were sold out and had a waitlist, whilst the tickets for the men had sold – zero.
It was no love boat, and it felt as treacherous as my dating life. He did some last minute marketing Ninjitsu and worked really hard hustling up some guys. The event was a success, but the availability of willing men, simply to be social, was haunting.
This re-iterated to me, the demographic challenge, the “compatibility drought”. While I’ve done a lot of inner work, and outer work – it’s not me - I’m not odd or unlovable, I am a wonderful woman. And I live in a location with an abundance of wonderful women. For goodness sake, I live in 2010 almost in Darlinghurst. It’s the highest rate of single men in NSW. I’d say the highest rate of handsome single men too!, it’s just they are more statistically likely to be checking out the other handsome men of the area.
One of the things I often get from those around me looking for love, is they just don’t like or get the online thing. What you did was vastly different from going on Bumble or Tinder but you did take it online in a big way, how scary was that for you and what was the experience and the reaction from people?
I’m a big advocate for online. Yes, it can be arduous and exhausting. It’s often like rummaging through a charity shop looking for an outfit that makes you look a million bucks. Sifting through a bunch of cast off second hand clothes. And then… huzzah! Your efforts have paid off! You find something and it fits and it’s amazing! And you do a dance of joy, but then… it doesn’t want to leave the shop with you. It’s tough, though the upshot is - people online have clear intention about forming a connection or relationship.
I find people can be very attached to meeting ‘organically’ (without the online dating pesticides?)... In my view, do both.
It was terrifying. I hid from my email for a week. I was petrified of... it being empty! A total paper tiger. It was full of different types of good guys and all kinds of people encouraging me. Only my loving Dad said “I must be desperate”, and my 8 year old niece Scarlett said I was weird. In hindsight, she always thinks I’m weird.
I know you had 7 terrific fellas reach out to you through your video going viral, how did you connect with each of them to see if they were your mister right?
This is kind of hilarious. It will not be said – that I am not thorough! I asked a few to do a thing called the “Gallup StrengthsFinder”. I am a trained ‘Strengths Coach’, of which I use professionally for individuals and with teams. This tool is absolutely tremendous, it’s predictive of your giftings and abilities, additionally, it explains ‘how’ you approach things. It’s so powerfully time (ie cost) effective in business. A bit cheekily, I used this tool in my love life. I didn’t evaluate the men on what their Top 5 Strengths were, rather, from their top 5 Strengths when placed with mine, predicted the kinds of alignments and challenges we would have as a partnership.
It gave a flavour of the kind of connection we would have. This admission may be controversial. I might get de-registered by the Gallup organisation. But! Priorities! At 40, I need all the predictive crystal ball peering I can get! I highly recommend couples do this, particularly when dating. Sure, as a coach, I’m 110% biased. I’ve never not seen this tool, be anything but potent enlightenment.
Finally, if you had one piece of advice to give to people looking for love and being brave about it, what would it be?
My only advice – Be willing.
Be willing to be open. Be willing to get back out there ‘again’! *sigh* . Be willing to drop all your ideas about what a partner could or should look like or be. Be willing to travel – regionally and interstate, internationally even?
I’m pretty sure, it’s statistically likely, that you are wonderful too.