Love Literature - Dating Advice Books Worth the Read
Anyone that knows me knows that I don't mind a self-help book. Whether it's on career, or life, or health, if someone recommends something, I generally will give it a go. So I am hoping that you adopt a similar mind frame, because I am about to get LIT(erature) up in here with a couple of books that I think all people should read. Single, coupled, gay, straight, don't care, you need to have read these at some point.
I read both within about a year of each other in my late twenties and I can still remember how I felt when I read each of them and the words of literal wisdom they bestowed on me. You will have heard of them or at the very least watched a movie about one of them, but I hope that if you haven't you'll get yourself a copy quick sticks.
The first bit of dating literature I ever read was He Is Just Not That Into You. This was later made into a really good movie that imparts very little of the wise words within the book, so you can't get away with just downloading it on iTunes, you actually have to read, but sure, watch it too once you've read the book. Bradley Cooper has never been more gorgeous as he is foul in this, but I digress.
I read this about 18 months after I came out of a long-term relationship and had been living a fun, urban lifestyle, in a new city abode, befriending some of my best gay buds to this day on various dance floors and really just finding myself again. I had been online dating frequently, but not whole heartedly and had met a few people IRL who ran hot and cold like a Katy Perry song and I was struggling to see the good people for the bad people, not that they were literal bad people, but not good for a long term or meaningful relationship.
I remember curling up in bed and starting that book and literally staying in for most of the rest of that week at night to finish it. It was enlightening, it was funny and it was brutally honest. The best bit about this book is that it plays out scenarios. For example, "You've given your number to someone and they haven't called" or "you've given your number to someone and they call at random times" literally so many scenarios that barely anyone would be able to say that they have not experienced at least one.
So many relatable situations in fact that I went bright red with embarrassment almost every other page, for me these included – drunken text shaming, booty call accepting, making excuses for why people hadn't called or text me, in fairness the situation was much less readable in the Nokia days, you can flat out see when someone is messaging you on a smart phone, but the rules to this book are finite. If a dude is not speaking to you… they're just not that into you.
Now I know, some of you out there are all like "well, derrr, Amber, no shiz, everyone knows that", I am here to tell you friend that everyone does NOT know that, including yourself, the book is all of $10 hardcopy, $6 for Kindle and you better damn well believe it's worth quadruple, infinity that. Not all scenarios will relate but one or two will and the writing is just too honest and well-meaning that you can hardly ignore it's advice, no matter how much it might make you want to Bridget Jones out with Celine Dion and a bottle of vodka.
The second bit of love lit I read was Textbook Romance, the best bit about this is that it's written by Australia's sweetheart Zoe Foster Blake with commentary from none other than Hamish Blake BEFORE they even got together, if that is not validation for going out and getting a copy, then I don't really know what is #couplegoals.
Anywho, the thing I liked most about this book was its analogies, Like He's Just Not That Into You, ZFB gives ya some hard truths but she has the best analogies around self-worth and being the best you can be to attract the right people.
My fave was her analogy of the Chanel handbag. She basically tells you that in life, you should aim to be a person that is worth time, effort, attention and love. That you want to be the Chanel handbag, the one that people save their pennies for, have complete adoration for and will wait to have something that is truly precious. You don't want to be the redlight special in the Strandbags bin that everyone can get their hands on for $10, that sounds really lady of the night, but you get where I am going.. You gotta love you!
Her second legend bit of advice, which I totally bandy about to all people is the "Thai and Trackie" concept. Basically, once you meet someone you have your whole lives to get the trackies on and order Thai takeaway, but this is not acceptable when you are starting the throws of courtship. You don't want to go from fun cocktails, to a dinner, to Thai and a movie within your first three dates, you've gotta keep the momentum and spark and leave the familiarity for when you are certain of someone.
I was a shocker for this and when I started to stop that behaviour, you so easily weed out the people that don't want to make an effort really quickly, thus making your decision easier to move on.
Honestly, I could not advocate reading these books more. They're short and easy to get through so you won't be spending valuable hours that could be spent out or doing other things on them, but you won't regret giving them a go.
Happy reading, book worms!