Getting Your Groove Back - Boosting Your Dating Confidence
So, one of the answers I get when I ask people why they are not "seriously" dating is time and then mostly fear of the rejection and the unknown. Lucky for you, I found Brigitte to chat to about this issue and how we can navigate the terrain of fear of rejection and putting ourselves out there. Brigitte Zonta is a practicing psychologist and Life & Love Coach. Brigitte has quickly become a worldwide leader in the field of Women’s Empowerment and Relationship Coaching. She has had the opportunity to work with all sorts of people including celebrities. Brigitte has appeared on Channel 7, programs such as Studio 10 and has featured in Women’s Health Magazine, News Daily, Stand out Radio, News Limited, and several others. With an international Audience, Brigitte now works predominately online. Helping people find love, fall in love and stay in love. As well as offering life coaching services to help you through whatever challenges in life you may be facing. So yeah, you bet your sweet caboose, you should listen to her!
Brigitte, what do you think is the main deterrent to people wanting to get back in the dating game?
A long time away from the dating game, confidence and fear of rejection.
The online world can be very intimidating; what tips would you give to people wanting to ease themselves back in to online dating or to start it from scratch?
Sometimes online dating can have generational mismatch complexities. Some of the people that are struggling with online dating are those baby boomers that are used to the old fashion type of dating, the meet and greet type of scenario. What they are facing is a game change, it’s not necessarily that way anymore. There are ample opportunities to go out and meet people but social media and technology has created change in the dating world, "The new norm”.
If you left the dating world 10 years ago, online dating was not a substantial piece of the pie. But now it is a very real option for dating. What we must understand, it’s an option. It’s not a given or an expectation that this is the only option for finding a date. Then you have the other end of the stick, where the young Gen X & Y are very comfortable with IT and social media. This may be that they are too comfortable and they are missing all the red flags of a bad date or toxic relationship.
My advice is, ease into it. You don’t need to meet someone straight away. Become familiar with what dating sites offers you. Play with it, look at what’s on there, talk to your friends about their experiences, understand that not everyone on the app is a viable opportunity, be clear about what your red flags are and be ok with becoming fastidious about your red flags and pressing delete if there are red flags.
There are many out there wanting to still meet people the traditional way, i.e. in person, what advice can you give to people wanting to navigate the real world and make genuine connections?
Believe it or not, there are still opportunities out there for you to meet people in the flesh! But you must get out there to meet them. They are not going to fall on your lap while you're on your lounge watching the latest season of The Bachelor. Wishing for someone doesn’t cut it!
Meeting people is something that happens when you’re out and about. Have a think about this:
Are you open to meet people?
Are you getting out to social events, are you accepting invitations to parties, dinners, drinks?
Can you even be bothered to really make the effort in creating a relationship? It sounds great but are you committed to give it a go?
Don’t be desperate! Not everyone you meet is going to be “the ONE”.
Meet people for the joy of meeting someone new.
Don’t be the ’yes' person with your new dating mate. This is not going to get you a relationship you like, it’s going to get you a relationship where you eventually lose yourself because you set yourself to make it all about the other person. Don’t agree that you love fishing if you absolutely hate it. It’s better to meet someone that truly enjoys what you do, not just pretends to try have a relationship. It’s not sustainable.
Do you have any suggestions to help people get themselves in the frame of mind to search for love again?
This is going to sound Cliché, but love starts with yourself. Self-love! Many times I hear of people going out and trying to find “the One' but are left feeling let down by the lack of potential love.
I ask, what are you looking for? the answer is normally. “I’m not sure”.. How can you find something when you don’t know what you are looking for?
Do you know what you want? Do you know who you are? Most the time we go out to the dating game thinking, I want someone to be able to treat me this way, have this much money, look a certain way etc. But rarely do we self-reflect and ask, what is it that I can bring to a relationship. What can I offer someone.
We are always looking for what others can give us!
The most important thing is what type of person I need to be to attract the person I am looking for.
What is the number one blocker, in your opinion, to people being open to finding love?
Fear of rejection and failure.
Rather than taking the risk to find true love, getting vulnerable, putting your heart out there. People are instead, holding back and not taking up opportunities of potential love in order to stay safe and keep from feeling hurt. In doing this, people sacrifice pleasure to avoid pain.
In an age where dating apps are rife, it can be intimidating to know where to start to find love, do you have any tips for people wanting to take small steps to getting back into the online game?
Best advice would be, to love yourself first. Start to take care of yourself, do your hair, dress well, exercise, eat well, cut the bad habits, don’t buy into negativity, cull your friends, be picky with the people you spend your time with.
When you start to love yourself enough to do all these things, you will attract someone that also wants to love you. It’s very hard to love someone when they don’t love themselves. They don’t accept love and compliments easily that eventually they again find themselves alone.
Invest in dating yourself, the return on investment with be worth it.
How can people best engage with people like yourself to help them on their journey to finding love?
Most love coaches or relationship psychologist are now visible online or through social media. Sometimes it's a recommendation from a friend, word of mouth or a referral from your general practitioner. You need to be flexible when trying to find the right person to help you.
The first person you reach out to may not resonate with you, may have a different approach to love, that doesn’t fit well with you. Sometimes the person who worked well with your friend may not be the right one for you.
Most reputable coaches offer a complimentary call to assess your needs and give you the opportunity to see if you will be comfortable with the working relationship. You can normally tell very quickly if the coach on the other side of the line fits well with you, as with the coach can also tell very quickly if you are there ideal client. A good coach will be truthful about this and let you know if they are the best person for you or not. If not, generally they will recommend you to someone else that would be better suited to your needs.
For those wanting to connect with Brigette for love coaching, relationship work or self-love, you can find her at:
facebook - @brigittezonta1
instagram - brigittezonta1
email - firstname.lastname@example.org
website - www.brigittezonta.com