The Ex Files - Re-open or a Cold Case?
I was recently reading a very interesting article in Women's Health magazine. I had been told outside of which yoga is in and which carb is the devil, it's actually far more encompassing of health outside of the old skinny minny tips.
In the edition that I was reading there was an article on the psychological affects that our 'first loves' or 'ones that got away' have on the relationships we form throughout our lives and how we respond to people when we are looking for new matches. There were 3 stories, but I'll just talk about two of them, because one of them had me very saddened and one of the made me very smiley.
So, one of the stories was about a lady who truly believed she was with the love of her life when she was 18 years old. She said the relationship had only broken down because of distance and basically timing and since then she has not been able to make any relationship work because she draws constant comparisons to that time, as in has not found a significant other since then because they just don't stack up.
I was so intrigued by this. I of course don't down play her feelings in anyway, because they are what they are, but gee this made me feel so sad for her. I always say to the B&C, "I wish I had met you sooner", he always responds "you would not have liked me when I was younger!" I laugh at this because it's probably true, his very questionable hairstyles aside, he would have been a very different person. Cricket, footy, beers with the boys, figuring out his career path, living at home, all these things meant that girls were not his priority. Meeting him as a 31 year old, he was more settled, he was committed to meeting someone and while the above activities, namely the footy, cricket and beers are still things he absolutely loves to do, he's also committed to a life of Freedom visits and cooking shows.
Jokes aside, I wondered if this young lass had seen and spent time with this 'one true love' since their tryst as teenagers. I think it's pretty amazing that she thought a 19 year old boy was the epitome of everything she wanted a man to be and coincidentally still does, he was either incredible, or she has the most rosy coloured glasses to that time of her life. Either way, what does one do, if they feel this way?
People's perceptions are their reality, it's hard to shift focus if you think something is 100% one way. In the case of this poor lass, I feel like many dollars of therapy or hypnotism might be in her future, but if you are a little ex-files aficionado I feel like the pro and con list is a freaking excellent way to take a different lense to your past loves, it's cheaper than therapy and healthier than booze, although a cheeky G&T while writing said list might not be a bad thing.
I had a friend once do this post break-up, started a list and then added to it for a couple of weeks post break-up. Turns out a few more cons on the list than pros, hindsight is obviously a wonderful thing, but if you really truly investigate your ex-file thoroughly, a pattern will emerge and you will understand why it might just not have been meant to be. I know many of you would be thinking this shiz is totally trite, but it is a little self-help love for moving forward and everyone deserves to move forward and be happy. I so hope this lady in the magazine manages to break through her break-up.
The second story was far more upbeat and is evidence of my theory that timing really is everything. A lady had gone out with a man at uni and they broke up for non-sinister reasons, just life got in the way. The each went on to marry and have families, unfortunately those relationships broke down. The lady of the story decided to reach out to her ex of many years at this point, because, well why not? The two meet for a coffee and well, the rest is history. They are now in a loving relationship. So. Bloody. Nice!
I am a firm believer in love being a numbers game, yours has got to come up if you're out there giving it a red hot go and also that timing is everything. My love story is a perfect example of this. I had just moved from a stressful work environment back to somewhere I adored, I was focussed on being kinder to me and being the best I could be. I meet the B&C 2 weeks into this job, the new environment of pleasantness and work life balance meant we could go on lots of lovely dates and get to know each other and well, here we are.
The stars have to align in some way to make things work. You might be lucky enough to get that second chance of connecting with a special someone from your past, or you need to live in the present and not let the past skew something great that might be right in front of you.
ANNOUNCEMENT! If you have reconnected with a past love, I would love to hear from you and share your story with the masses so we can all bask in your lovey glow.