Are Dates like Job Interviews? Yeah, Kinda...
Going on a date is nerve racking, no doubt. I have a few friends who have got back out on the date scene of late and are finding the process, well, daunting AF. So I wanted to write this post about dates being like job interviews, because I know all y'all can interview the shiz out of jobs and life, you've just gotta harness that #bosslady vibe to le dates and I love a simile so here are a few tips.
Preparation is Key
Very early on in my career I learnt the lesson that it is better to be interested than interesting, simply put, talking about yourself can be a real bummer and having a listening ear and taking an interest in others is always a good thing. This is absolutely applicable when you date.
When I was preparing for dates, the ambitious and cautious Capricorn in me would always want to get a 10 out of 10 for ease of communication on a date, and so I would have a few topics of conversation in mind to keep things going based on information I knew about the person that I could then could equally participate in too. Travel for example is good, they can tell you about places they have been that you have too and you can share stories, or you can get them to tell you about places you haven't been for holiday inspo. You can always find common ground and better yet if you learn something new too. A few convo starters go a long way to getting you through a few bevs or cup of joe.
Just like a job interview, where you would lay out your most favourite work outfit, one that you feel great in, one that you have received lots of comments on, one you feel comfortable and confident in. Same goes for a date. I bought you guys the styling blog a while back, it really is important. You are going to feel so much better in something you have planned and know well than popping on something that isn't you. I'll never forget one of the old ball and chain's friends commenting on his shoes one night when we were out and he said that he had bought them when we first started to date to look snazzy. I was so delightfully chuffed by this one little gesture of showing someone you give an eff and want to make sure you're not looking like you just rolled out of bed.
Making the right impression
I once read about this thing called intentional fails when it comes to dates. Essentially, people actively set themselves up to fail by doing shiz like showing up late or being rude on a date, because they don't really want to have the situation work out. While that type of malarkey is not OK, nerves can also play a part in making you seem like a real nob when in fact you're just failing miserably. Most of the time this is due to lack of prep. You wouldn't walk into an interview late, let nerves get the better of you or be cantankerous, if you really wanted a red hot shot at a new job. You would get the earlier PT option, prepare for some convo and get yourself in the zone to make a good impression.
Not even when I was on a date that was so painful, nibbling my right arm off would have been a funner option, would I ever dream of being rude or down trodden towards someone or what they had to say. That's because I believe in human decency but also karma. Go and have a good time, and put a smile on the dial. Leaving an impression that you're a good and positive person, even if you're not vibing is never bad. Your next, most tremendous date could be just around the corner and look at all those karma points you've collected by going into something prepared to have it go well.
When is it right to give it a second go?
In my time I have interviewed a lot of people, I have not always got it right, but I know when to give up and when to go again. Same goes for a date. Again nerves, environment, people around in both interviews and on dates, totally play a part in how your date is going to pan out. I spoke of this re Soph and James in the Bachelorette recap a few weeks ago!
There are occasions when you don't necessarily have a resounding yes in your mind about whether you would give someone a second shot and to be honest I think you need to get home from a date, have your 8 hours and think on it the next day as to whether there is a chance. To me, if chemistry was not so great, but the conversation flowed really well, I would absolutely give it another go. By round 2 you totally know if it's friend zone or not.
Don't be a sucker for giving someone a go because you "see" potential. In both the date and work world I have made this mistake and at all times the situations spectacularly failed. Always see the good in people, but don't be blindsided by the seemingly earnest "I would love to be given a shot, you won't regret it" remark, because those people have played this card all their life and seldom do they live up to your expectations. It is no good for anybody, particularly you who ends of carrying the baggage. Be smart when looking to round 2, trust your judgement and your gut as well.
I feel like this blog has been a little more serious than previous posts, but I was just using the date and interviewing analogy the other day with a friend over a drink, which brings me to my next and more fun point, drinks.
Am I allowed one? Before an interview 100% NO. Are you allowed one before a date? Totes magotes. Mind you, when I say drink, I legitimately mean one or two and with a friend so you're not downing them on your date and this also gets the chatty vibes flowing. I once downed about 7500 wines before a date at Friday night drinks it didn't go as planned needless to say, you're cool with one, two no more than 3 at the absolute max.
This is why school night dates are the best first few dates options as the temptation to be a scallywag are somewhat limited when one knows they have to get up and adult the next day.
In summary, putting in effort, being prepared and being thoughtful are never going to go unnoticed on a date. First impressions really do last and all you beautiful D&P readers are too fabulous to be something other than your 20 out of 10 selves.