Profile Procrastination? Tips from a Dating Guru <3
You know those days, where you think "gee whizz, I feel so genuinely inspired by the human race at the moment"? I had one of those a little while back when I decided to reach out to Bettina Arndt, a really well known and accomplished journalist who also, coincidentally, is a dating coach and asked her if she would mind answering some questions for my humble little blog. She was so quick to reply and so gracious with her time and I feel really lucky to bring you some of her thoughts.
The very reason I do this blog is so I can share with you love stories and love finding advice, but what it is turning out to be is a genuine thought sharing and caring little community that has made my world brighter and richer for the people I am meeting. Bettina being one of them.
Her advice is matter of fact, succinct and true. On this occasion I asked her mostly about online profiles, because it seems to be a reoccurring theme from people I speak to and because I really encourage people to try online dating at least once, it's important to share some tips from those out there who do this for a living.
You can check out Bettina's website here: http://www.bettinaarndt.com.au/online-dating/
Bettina, you've had such an incredible career as a journalist and as a pioneer sex therapist and now online dating coach. So many would see this as an unorthodox career path, what made you want to help people find love or rekindle it?
Friends started coming to me for help with their profiles and I found it a fascinating challenge but one that came naturally to me after working for over 40 years as a journalist. I enjoy writing and know a lot about male and female attraction plus I have really learnt how to craft a lively, appealing profile which reflects what a person is like. I quickly found people also needed help with doing well in this business so I now provide ongoing support and advice and rarely just do profiles.
Online dating profiles can be so daunting for people. What's the one piece of advice you would give to people who are looking to create a profile?
Don’t write a shopping list full of your wants and desires. The job of your profile is to attract attention, to make you stand out from the crowd and show what makes you an appealing partner. The starting point is to make your reader smile.
I often hear from people that they find it frustrating when they are online dating and don't yield results quickly enough i.e. chat to date conversions. What expectations do you recommend setting for people?
Everyone is making choices online and mutual attraction isn’t easy to achieve. So you have to assume you’ll need to connect with lots of people to find the mutual spark and this won’t happen unless you learn how to communicate in a lively, appealing manner that makes prospective dates think you are worth that next step.
I noticed when I was online dating that so many rarely took the time to write a good profile. What advice do you normally give to people who don't want to write war and peace but want to convey the right message?
I advise people to look past a bad profile and approach anyone who has something of interest, something in common with you. The people with great profiles often get swamped and are the ones least likely to respond to you. Someone with bad photos and/or profile might be hidden treasure and easier to attract.
In the age of selfies, it's often hard to get a gauge on people when we are only seeing repeated images of people. What kind of images do you recommend people use to give the right impressions?
I don’t believe in action shots – no one looks good underwater or sweating profusely at the end of a marathon. You can say something funny about your scuba diving and running experiences so you don’t need to show them. And travel shots have become the new cliché. You need a range of flattering but natural shots that show off your face and body in the best possible light.
Are there any particular online forums for dating that you strongly advocate people trying?
I suggest Tinder for people under 35…but usually recommend RSVP for all the older age groups. You need a big pool to give you the best chance of meeting suitable people and RSVP is the only large site that allows people to do their own searches – and that is critical.